What The Hell
by PteraWaters
Summary: Future fic, set in college. When Kurt and Rachel find out Puck is living in LA and pursuing an unconventional career, they go to investigate. What they find is both surprising and yet totally fits the self-proclaimed sex shark. T for now. Puck/Kurt
1. The Video

_A/N: This just popped into my head this morning, and it's not done yet, but in honor of Glee season 2 starting right about now, I'm posting it. I've only got spoilers through season one so far, duh, but I might add more of season 2 as it progresses. This is a future fic, so there's a lot of wiggle room and hopefully I won't get Jossed too badly. _

_Don't forget to review at the end and tell me how awesome it was! (or sucky, you know, whatever)  
_

* * *

**What the Hell**

Chapter 1 – The Video

Kurt Hummel could not believe what he was seeing. Could. Not. Believe. It. This had to be one of those doppelganger things. There was just no way. Absolutely no way in hell. After all the crap he'd given Kurt over the years for being a "homo", there was no way. No freaking way!

Kurt paused the video and clicked back to a frame where the guy's face was visible. There was no freaking way! But it looked so much like him. It couldn't be, could it?

Kurt spent so much time pondering over the clip that he didn't hear his roommate come in until she said, "Hey, Kurt," right next to his ear, making him jump. "What are you doing?"

Once his heart landed back in his chest again, Kurt asked, "Rachel? Does that look like Noah Puckerman to you?"

"What are you watching?" she laughed, pushing him aside so she could get a better look at the screen. "Porn? It's three in the afternoon!"

"So?" Kurt asked with a shrug. "I don't have class again until seven and I was in my own room, with the door closed, thank you very much."

"Aw," she smiled, hugging Kurt tightly despite the way he tried to pull away from her. "You miss Nick, don't you? You're better off without him, sweetie!"

"This isn't..." Kurt sighed in exasperation. Rachel just would not stop babying him about his last break up, even though it had been almost a month ago and he was fine. "Would you just look at this guy's face and tell me that's not Noah Puckerman?"

"Well," she said, blushing a little as she actually turned her attention to the video. "Oh, my god! It is!"

"And I'm not imagining him totally banging that other guy?"

Nodding her head, her eyes glued to the screen, Rachel asked him, "How? Why?"

"I have no clue," Kurt insisted. "I have absolutely no idea, Rach. Think he needed some cash?"

"This is a pay site?" she laughed, looking over at him fondly. "You know there's about a million free sites, right?"

Kurt ducked his head and mumbled something about viruses, because he really didn't need to get into a discussion about the merits of paying for good quality porn with Rachel Berry. "Besides, if I hadn't paid, we wouldn't have found this."

"We have to ask him about this, don't you think?" Rachel asked Kurt, that manic gleam of a project in her eye. "I think we have a moral obligation, to make sure he's not doing this for drug money or something. If Noah's in trouble, it's our duty as his friends and former teammates to get to the bottom of this."

Kurt wanted to tell her not to bother, that it was Puck's life and he could do whatever he wanted with it, but some part of him, deep in his gut, had to know why Puck would do this. Why would he get caught up in something like this? He wasn't really gay. He couldn't be. Right?

* * *

"I found him!" Rachel squealed excitedly when Kurt got back from class exhausted. Why, oh why, did his professor have to be such a douche when it came to grading his literary analysis? He'd worked really hard on that paper and even after being humiliated for his words in front of the entire class, he still didn't understand how they could just dismiss his ideas like that. Just because he was gay didn't mean he was wrong in saying that those two male characters definitely had some sexual tension between them. Well, fuck them and fuck Rachel for being so loud all the god damned time. "Found who?"

"Puck!" she cried ecstatically. "He's here in LA."

"I take it," Kurt sighed, rubbing his offended ear and setting his bag down on the kitchen table, "Puckerman was difficult to find and somehow you persevered?"

Nodding, Rachel said, "Finn had no idea where he was and neither did Quinn, and his Facebook page hasn't been touched since graduation, two years ago. So then? I called his mom!"

Kurt nodded and went to slump on the couch, but Rachel grabbed his arm forcefully and insisted, "We're going to go see him. He's not that far away."

"Tonight?" Kurt complained, but he knew that once Rachel had an idea in her head, it was almost impossible to change her mind.

"Yes, tonight," she insisted. "What if Noah had an overdose or something tonight and we totally could have prevented it by going to see him? It's fate that you found him today and if there's anything I know about fate, it's that you never keep it waiting!"

"Not even for beauty sleep?"

"_Especially _not for beauty sleep!"

* * *

Kurt couldn't believe they were doing this. Rachel had written down Puck's address and plugged it into her car's GPS system, following the instructions diligently. And now, they were standing outside an apartment building, Rachel's hand headed toward the buzzer for apartment 607. Kurt fantasized one last time about grabbing her arm and tackling her to the ground so he didn't have to go through with this, but he didn't. He just let it happen.

After a buzz and a short, pregnant silence, Puck's voice came over the speaker, sighing, "What?"

"Hi, Noah!" Rachel said cheerily. "It's me and Kurt! We just found out you were in town and came to say hello!"

"You do realize it's ten o'clock at night?" he replied grumpily, and Kurt was sure he wouldn't let them up. "Isn't that past your bedtime, Rachel?"

"I've loosened up a lot since being at college, haven't I, Kurt?"

Kurt thought no such thing, but under pain of excruciating … _pain _… Kurt called toward the speaker, "That's right. Now, can we come in Puckerman, or am I going to have to drag Rachel away from here kicking and screaming?"

"Fine," the guy sighed again, hitting the buzzer so the front door opened, which Rachel caught quickly before it could lock again, pulling it open and barely giving a glance back to Kurt to make sure he made it through as well. Living with Rachel for almost the past year, Kurt had learned that while Rachel had many moments of kindness and consideration, they usually didn't happen when she was excited about something. And she got excited a lot. So much so that Kurt was almost sure she had a chemical imbalance in her brain. But she paid the rent on time, let him make her over once a month, and was nice to his boyfriends, so living with Rachel wasn't all bad.

By the time they got up the elevator to the sixth floor and found Puck's cracked-open apartment door, Kurt found himself surprised by the quality of the building. The carpets were all clean, every corner was well lit, and there was even a table with some plastic flowers and a mirror in the hallway the elevator opened into. Either Puck had a sugar mama or he was doing pretty well for himself.

Rachel made it to the door first, of course, knocking a few times as she opened the door. "Hello? Noah?"

"Hey, guys," Puckerman called, waving them into the living room where he was sitting, immersed in a video game and staring at a huge, sixty-inch TV. He was wearing normal clothes for him, loose jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt, which made his setting even weirder by comparison. "Just a few seconds," he insisted. "I'm teaching these noobs a lesson. There's pop and beer in the fridge if you want anything."

"Oh," Rachel stuttered, looking around the room, which Kurt also studied. The furniture wasn't super expensive, but it was nice. The place had obviously been decorated by a professional, and it wasn't the tiny closet both of them had been expecting. And it was _clean_! The whole situation was surprising, to say the least. "Okay!"

Kurt rolled his eyes as Rachel went to investigate the kitchen, hovering for a few seconds before deciding he looked like a creeper and sitting on the armrest of Noah's couch. The guy looked almost the same as he had at graduation, which wasn't too big of a surprise, but this place! "Is that a baby grand?" Kurt asked, pointing to a darker corner of the apartment, near a set of floor to ceiling windows.

"What?" Puck asked, quickly looking at Kurt and then over to the corner before his eyes whipped back to his game. "Yeah, dude. Named her Georgia. You can play her if you want. And my guitars are all in the spare room."

What the hell?

Rachel then returned with a Diet Coke for her and a club soda for Kurt, both in clean-looking glasses with perfect ice cubes.

What. The. Hell?

"Uh!" Puck suddenly yelled. "Yeah! Take it!" He jumped up and did a little victory dance before flopping down. "I owned you, Hudson! Fuck yeah!"

Quietly, Rachel asked Kurt, "He's playing with Finn? He said he didn't know where Puck was!"

"Maybe he just didn't want to tell you," Kurt pointed out. Things had not ended well between Rachel and Kurt's step-brother and he was constantly in the middle of that argument. It got annoying on a major scale.

"Yeah, dude. I gotta go. Your brother and your ex are here," Puck said into his microphone, pausing for a moment like he was listening. "I dunno, dude. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Then, Noah whipped off his headset and turned off the TV, giving both former gleeks looks as he brushed past on his way to the kitchen. While they were alone, Rachel took a seat on the couch and pulled Kurt down beside her, like suddenly she was afraid of whatever had taken over Puck's body and put him in this life. Kurt couldn't deny that he had a similar feeling.

In a few seconds, Puck came back out of the kitchen with a beer in one hand and a bottle opener in the other, which he used together as he was sitting down in the easy chair next to the couch. "So, what brings you dweebs to my crib?"

"Umm," Rachel tried to begin, but failed, so Kurt stepped in for her.

"We just found out you were in town," he explained, "and we thought we'd come check up on you."

"Don't trust me to live my own life, huh, Hummel?" Puck replied with a raised eyebrow as he took a sip of his beer and sat back. "I'm cool, dudes."

"Well," Rachel insisted, setting her drink down on the coffee table, which actually had coasters (coasters!), "the thing is. We … um …"

"We saw you in a video," Kurt spat out in a rush of word vomit. "And, uh … we wanted to make sure you weren't like, a meth whore or something."

Puck looked both of them in the eyes for a few seconds before bursting out laughing and almost spilling beer all over himself. "A meth whore? What the fuck is wrong with you people?"

"It wasn't just any video, Puckerman," Rachel snapped, her usual reaction to being laughed at. "It was porn! Gay porn!"

Puck just shook his head and kept laughing. "Seriously? A meth whore? Give me some freaking credit!"

"It was just one example," Kurt fumed, and yes, he knew he reacted almost as bad as Rachel after getting laughed at. It was something he was working on. "But obviously you're doing okay, so we'll get out of your hair. Or whatever." Kurt stood halfway up before Puck stopped him.

"No, no!" he grinned. "Stay a minute. Geez, Hummel. Settle down. You know, I wondered who would be the first of my old McKinley pals to find that. Makes sense it was the gay dude." It _had _been him! Kurt had been living in denial since that afternoon, insisting to himself that it had to be someone else. It couldn't be Puck in that video. But now Puck was admitting it was him? Kurt got a little lightheaded and then a little queasy when Puck scooted forward in his chair and asked, "So, which one did you see? Did you think it was any good?"

"What?" Kurt squeaked, trying not to remember every detail of the video and failing horribly.

"Dude, I've got, like, fifty videos out there. Which one did you see?"

Kurt's mouth opened in shock and all he could do was look back at Rachel for some help. Unfortunately, she looked just as tongue-tied as he felt. Gathering up some steam, he finally managed to ask, "What?" He then proceeded with, "Why? How?" and "What?"

"Are they all … with other men?" Rachel managed to ask quietly after Kurt's outburst.

"Dudes," Puck insisted with a bob of his head, " how do you think I can pay for a place like this? Gay films pay, like, fifteen times more 'cause there's so many guys that either won't do them or aren't hot enough to make any money at it."

"You've actually done it…" Kurt said in a mystified voice, responding to Rachel and Puck's questioning looks by saying, "You've turned being a sex shark into a means of income…"

"Hell, yeah, I have!" Puck chuckled. "But, it's just for now, you know. While I'm working on finding a band and getting some things, songs, written."

"Sure," Rachel nodded. "Of course. Right."

Puck smiled and shook his head again, taking another swallow of beer. Then, he said, "Wanna guess my film name?"

"No, I really don't," Rachel insisted.

Kurt shook his head, completely mortified by this whole conversation. "Please don't say it's Jewish Thunder or something ridiculous."

"Uhn-uh," Puck insisted. "It's Noah Puckerman."

"But, that's your real name…"

"Apparently it was dirty enough already," Puck replied with a grin. "The execs didn't even want to change it, so I was all like, 'Okay, whatever dudes. I'll take my three grand now.'"

Kurt and Rachel shared a look that hovered somewhere between surprise, disgust, and acceptance for both of them. It really shouldn't have been this surprising, should it? Kurt should have realized what perfect sense this made. Puck wasn't gay, he was just a whore. And he liked it that way.

Then, the front door opened and Puck called, "Hey, dude! Come meet my friends."

A guy, probably around their age, early twenties or so, came into the room with an intrigued look on his really very handsome face. His head was covered with a mop of loose, blonde curls and Kurt fell deeply in love at first sight, before he realized just how much this guy resembled his ex. Yeah, that was a slippery slope to go down, and Kurt was not getting caught in it again. Especially since he was more likely than not straight.

Puck stood up, taking his beer with him, to go clap this new guy on the shoulder. "Guys, this is my roommate, Ben. Ben? These are some friends of mine from high school. That's Rachel Berry, super star of the glee club, and that's Kurt Hummel, male soprano."

"Male soprano?" Ben asked with a warm smile, extending his hand for Kurt to shake, which he warily did.

"Well, not so much anymore," Kurt admitted. "But for a large portion of high school I had the exact same range as a sixteenth-century castrato."

"Dude," Puck grinned. "_Not_ something to brag about. Just call yourself a tenor and be done with it."

Kurt shrugged at Puck as Ben moved on to greet Rachel. "And I've actually heard a lot about you, Miss Rachel Berry. Noah insists you're going to be the biggest star in a few years."

"Really?" Rachel said, beaming and primping as she shook Ben's hand. "He said that?"

"Several times," Ben nodded. "Especially after we saw you in the UCLA production of _Phantom_."

Turning to stare at Puck, Rachel asked, "You came to that? Why didn't you stop and say hello?"

"Because that stupid Jesse kid was there making a big deal out of himself," Puck explained, "and I didn't want to get arrested for manslaughter. Seriously, Berry. How could you work with him after that?"

"Oh, it was a challenge," Kurt chimed in, rolling his eyes. "Believe me. I was there after every show, drying those dramatic tears."

"You two are together?" Ben asked and all three McKinley grads laughed and/or snorted.

"No, no," Rachel insisted, touching Ben's arm in that flirty way she had. "Kurt and I are just roommates. Neither one of us could stand the dorms for more than a semester, so we naturally joined forces."

"Yeah," Puck piped up. "And Hummel's queerer than a three dollar bill, isn't that right?"

"Guilty," Kurt agreed with a nervous little laugh, hating that mocking tone that Puck still hadn't lost, even two years after high school.

Ben nodded with an assessing smile and Kurt realized Puck's roommate was checking him out. What. The. Hell? Now Puck had a gay roommate and was doing gay porn? What had happened to the guy that could smell gay on a kid like a bloodhound and then bully that poor kid within an inch of his life? The world would surely end at any second. Any time now. Holy crap, Ben was smiling at him now, a gesture which Kurt returned awkwardly before moving closer to Rachel, so she could protect him. He wasn't _that_ inexperienced, but his relationship with Nick had lasted almost a year and he hadn't dated a whole lot before and not at all after. He felt about fifteen years old, and not in a good way.

"Well," Ben said finally, giving Rachel one last nod, "I've got an early morning, so I'm gonna turn in. It was nice to meet you."

"You too," Kurt mumbled, along with Rachel's more fervent response.

Then, Ben leaned over and whispered something to Puck, fingers brushing his wrist in a flirty way. Puck nodded and mumbled something back, returning the touch a little before going back to his chair. Ben disappeared into a back hallway of the apartment and Kurt collapsed back onto the couch, his mouth still open.

"Roommate?" Rachel asked with a curious tilt of her head.

Puck smirked. "With benefits."

"Right, then," Kurt decided, needing to flee in self preservation before his brain completely broke down. "We'll get going now. It was nice to see you, Puck."

"Dude, chill out," Puck insisted, blocking Kurt's escape path with his leg up on the arm of the couch. Oh, god. Kurt couldn't help but get a flash of what Puck would look like naked, now that he had seen it on that damn video. The whole thought made Kurt weak in the knees and he decided maybe it _would_ be best if he sat down again. "Tell me what's up! How's UCLA?"

"Alright," Kurt replied, seriously confused. He looked to Rachel for help. Usually she could be counted on to go on and on at length about her field of study and her position in the drama program and all the famous people she'd made contacts with already. But she was just sitting there, dumbfounded. Thanks a lot, Berry!

"I, um," Kurt started. "I'm studying voice performance and creative writing, with a minor in textiles. It's hell, but it's going to be so worth it in the end."

"For what?" Puck asked with a little laugh. "Being a singing, writing, tailor?"

"Being a singing sensation," Kurt insisted, "who seamlessly transitions into writing about fashion once his stardom inevitably fades."

Puck nodded, "Of course. That makes so much sense, it's almost sickening. What about you, Berry?"

"Diva," she replied. "Of stage and screen. It's the only option. Tonys, Grammys, Emmys, Oscars. All in my future."

"So what does that mean for now, besides being in _Phantom _last year?"

"Basically a lot of training," she said, really getting into it now that she got going. There was the Rachel Berry Kurt knew and tolerated. As she went on and on about singing lessons and dance lessons and drama lessons and everything that made Rachel Berry a star, Kurt couldn't help but watch Puck. He looked the same as in high school, though maybe his five o'clock shadow was more impressive than it used to be. But he seemed so much _calmer_, and even surer of himself than he had been before.

What. The. Hell?

Eventually, Puck said, "Finn told me about the break-up, Rach. Seeing anyone new that I can torture him with?"

"I have several suitors at the moment," Rachel insisted, though when Puck looked at Kurt for confirmation, he found himself shaking his head just a few inches and mouthing, "No." It was a big joke all over campus that Rachel was a hot damn mess and none of the guys would go for her. It didn't really help that the break up with Finn had happened just before _Phantom _started last spring and Rachel went a bit nuts with the fame and with working beside Jesse St. James. She was better now, but Kurt still kept an eye on her and kept hoping, because he was capital G gay, she wouldn't try molesting him in his sleep out of desperation.

"What about you, Hummel?" Puck asked, and Kurt sensed more there than just vacant politeness. It was as if Puck was actually interested in him. In Kurt. It had to be just the shock of seeing him again, like this, with a sweet apartment and a crazy career and a live-in (male) friend-with-benefits. Kurt was imagining that interest. Right?

Before Kurt could answer, Rachel said, "Kurt's boyfriend, Nick, dumped him a month ago. It's been rough, but we're pulling through, aren't we?"

"Rach," Kurt sighed. "He dumped _me_, not _us_. Alright? How many times do I have to tell you?"

"But he was such a good cook, Kurt! I've been starving since you guys broke up, which is good for my figure, but murder for my _soul_."

Puck laughed, loudly, before he covered his mouth, eyes flicking with concern to the back of the apartment. "So, I take it neither of you cook?"

"Not well," Kurt agreed. "Though I'm really good at making salads, the whole heat application process still eludes me."

"Right. You guys should come back for dinner sometime. Maybe Saturday? Ben makes an awesome dinner every Saturday. Like, pot roast and shit. I'm telling you, it's a good thing I spend half my free time in the gym, or that dude would have me as fat as Coach Tanaka. Seriously."

"Um," Kurt said, looking over to Rachel, who had a hungry look in her eyes. "Yeah. Yeah, okay. Saturday."

Then, Puck dug around in his jeans pocket and pulled out something which he tossed at Kurt. His phone. "Put in your number and I'll text you when to show up."

What. The. Hell?

* * *

_Review!_

_Also, there aren't nearly as many Puck/Finn gleeks as Puck/Kurt out there. If you like my writing, give my story "Not Alone" a chance. I promise, even though it doesn't have much Kurt, it's really good!  
_


	2. Dibs

_A/N: I really should be working, instead of writing this..._

_

* * *

_**What the Hell **

Chapter 2 - Dibs

When he heard Rachel's voice through the intercom, Puck wasn't really sure what to expect of the visit from his old glee buddies. He was curious how it happened that he'd been in LA almost as long as they had and they'd never come looking for him before. Not that he published his address or anything, since he had some really psycho fans, but he sort of expected them to hear he was in town somehow.

And now they had.

Rachel had been her normal, obnoxious self and Kurt had been... Well, he'd been Kurt, but he actually looked more grown up. More like a man and less like an eleven year old milk maid. Puck definitely approved.

After Kurt and Rachel left, Puck finished off his beer, brushed his teeth, and went to go see if Ben was still awake. They had their own rooms of course, because Ben really was just a friend, with benefits, and they had both dated a bunch of other people since moving in together last year. Though his boss, Didi, told Puck he should be seen out publicly with Ben more often than not if he could help it, there was no way Puck was giving up chicks entirely. Even if he had realized that being with dudes was pretty awesome, too.

Just last week, Ben had gotten him into a club with a really awesome fake ID and a bouncer who had seen one of his films and was too much of a fan to look at it very closely. Sweet! It was a gay club, because Ben was pretty dude-friendly (or entirely dude friendly, depending on the day), which also meant that there were a few groups of single straight girls around. Drunk straight girls without their defenses up. Hell yeah!

He managed to talk this girl named Tammy into coming home with him, and she was a really good time, all soft curves and lickable tits and a heart-stoppingly pretty smile. But after she fell asleep, Ben came in, whispering in his ear, and before half an hour had passed, they were both banging this little Latin dude, Carlos, who reminded Puck a lot of Santana with a dick and an anti-boob job.

What could he say? When Ben got involved, Puck had a difficult time leaving his work at the studio and saying no. Since getting his job as an assistant to some big-shot corporate executive five months ago, Ben had retired from making films, but that didn't mean he'd forgotten everything he'd known as soon as his contract was up. He was an extremely good lay and a pretty good friend and damn, he could cook. And, he didn't mind Puck seeing girls. In fact, for Puck's birthday last year, Ben had convinced one of his lady porn star friends to come by and show Puck a good time. And what a good time it had been! Most porn chicks he'd met made it look good and that was about it, but Sunny? Damn fine woman.

So Ben was awesome, as long as Puck didn't think about it too hard.

Ben was still awake when Puck crawled into bed with him, saying, "Hey, babe."

"Did you have a good time with your friends, Noah?" he asked, turning over to face Puck and snuggling against him. Hey, snuggling was a benefit, too.

He had to think about his answer for a minute, but finally Puck said, "Yeah. I did. Never thought I'd miss those losers..."

Kissing Puck's neck, Ben made a little noise of acknowledgement before pulling back and asking, "What was with that Kurt guy? He's pretty cute."

"Nuh-uh, Ben," Puck growled, grabbing the guy and pinning him to the bed playfully. "I call dibs."

"What?" his friend complained with a hint of a smile in the dim light. "You can't call dibs on every cute guy we see. It's not fair."

"Dude," Puck insisted with a kiss. "I knew Kurt first, so I get dibs. At least until I figure him out."

Ben snorted in amusement. "You mean sleep with him, babe."

"That too," Puck nodded, adding a few more kisses to the guy's neck. "You can have dibs on Rachel if you want."

"Oh, no," he laughed, squirming under Puck. "That chick had too much boob and crazy eyes. I'm not going there. Even if the girl can sing."

"You think any boob is too much," Puck pointed out, going in for a breath-taking kiss and smiling when he saw that it had worked. "I invited them over for Saturday, if that's cool."

"So you can use my cooking talent to get into Kurt's pants? That's low, Noah," Ben insisted.

"After all this time, you really expect any more from me? Dude, I thought you were my best bud! If you haven't accepted who the Puckster is by now," he grinned, slipping away and getting up off the bed, "I don't think I can sleep with you."

"Ah, ha!" Ben cried, scrambling out of the bed to grab Puck and swing him back. "But I know you well enough to see that you're playing me right now. Fine. I'll cook for your friends." He kissed Puck full on the mouth, which was always one of Puck's favorite things ever, and pushed him back onto the mattress. "But no calling dibs. We do this fair and square."

"Whatever, dude," Puck agreed. "You know I'll win. Remember that one dude? Silas?"

"Don't remind me," Ben groaned, letting Puck flip them over.

"I won't, babe," he insisted with a laugh. "I won't."

* * *

By the time he woke up in the morning, Ben was gone and Puck had to take a moment to figure out where he was and what that ringing noise could be. He stumbled around a little before finding his phone in his pants on the floor and answering it, "What?"

"Noah, is that any way to greet your mother?" the woman's voice teased. Of course, Puck knew behind the teasing was a very real criticism. That's just how Ruth Puckerman worked.

"Hey, Ma," he said after clearing his throat, lumbering into Ben's bathroom for a drink of water. "What's up?"

"I got a call from Rachel Berry last night," she told him and suddenly Puck understood how Rachel and Kurt had found him. "She's arranging a glee club reunion after her semester ends and she needed your address. I hope it's okay that I gave it to her."

"Yeah, thanks, mom," Puck replied, remembering he was naked and he didn't really want to talk to his mom while naked. He did have some limits. So, he went and pulled on his pants before telling her, "I actually saw her last night. She and Finn's brother are going to school out here in LA. They came by for a few minutes."

Puck knew he'd made a mistake as soon as his mother squealed. "Oh, how is she? As pretty as ever? You know, you haven't dated anyone seriously since you broke up with Penny to move out there. I've heard from Carole Hudson that she's single…"

"Ma!" Puck complained with a sigh. "I don't want to date anyone seriously right now. And Rachel and I would never work out!"

"But she's Jewish!"

"And she's _crazy_," Puck insisted. "Look, I've got to get to work soon. Can I talk to you later?"

"Are they working you too hard at that gym, sweetie? I know you like it, and it helps you afford living in that awful city, but if you moved back here you'd have more time for your music."

Sighing at the lie she parroted back to him (because what self-respecting porn star told his mother what he really did?) and her not-so-subtle request for him to move back to Lima, Puck insisted, "Goodbye, Ma."

"Bye, Noah. I love you."

"Love you, too," Puck replied, hanging up so he couldn't get guilted into talking to her for any longer. He really did need to get to the gym. They weren't expecting him at the studio until tomorrow, and he hit the gym every day he had off, mostly because he needed to be buff and hot to keep his job, but also because there was this chick trainer, Samantha, he was totally after lately. If he could ever convince her he wasn't gay.

After getting caught with a dude in the shower room and having his membership suspended for two weeks that one time, it wasn't going to be easy.

* * *

Puck was just getting into a set of bench presses when a familiar face hopped into view and he almost dropped two hundred and eighty pounds on his chest. After his spotter helped him get the bar back onto the rack, Puck sat up and snarled, "What the hell, Hudson? What are you doing here?"

"This is where you said you worked," Finn replied, like it made any sort of sense. His spotter, Justin, who actually _did_ work there gave Puck a look, which he returned with a shake of his head before waving the guy away. "And I need your help!"

"Aren't you supposed to be in Texas?"

"I took the first flight this morning. Look, can I talk to you? Can you take a break or lunch or something?"

Puck sighed, looking around and deciding he could be done for the day if he needed to. Finn was his friend again and there had to be something seriously wrong for him to fly out all of a sudden. "I'm done. I'll get my stuff and we can go to my place." His apartment might take a little explaining, but fuck, he was sick of lying to Hudson. And now that Kurt knew what he really did for a living, how much longer before Finn knew anyway? Last Finn had said, he and Kurt talked pretty often by text or email, and very rarely, by phone.

As he led Finn back toward the locker room, Puck saw the manager, Donnie, give him a wry look that said he'd better not be up to something. And that got him thinking all sorts of unwelcome thoughts about his friend, who was not a benefits sort of friend, but more like a brother, damn it.

* * *

Back at his place, Puck led the way into his apartment, stopping in the living room and asking, "Is this life and death, or can I take a quick shower?"

"Yeah, dude. Take a shower."

"Cool. Make yourself at home or whatever."

What could Finn possibly need from him? Money? An alibi? Someone to kick ass and take names with him back in Texas?

Puck couldn't leave town right now. He had set filming dates over the next three weeks that he couldn't miss barring actual doctor-approved illness without getting canned. Getting a shoot rescheduled was like rescheduling the Super Bowl or something. It just didn't happen unless somebody died. And there were dudes ready and willing to take Puck's place in the company without a second's hesitation. Sure, Puck got paid pretty well, but it was because he was reliable, and really fucking hot. If the reliable part went out the window because of Finn freaking Hudson, he might end up having to move back to Lima anyways. And who ever heard of a rock star starting out in Lima, Ohio? Hell, no. It just didn't happen.

Rinsed off and dressed in his straightest dude-clothes, Puck went back out to look for Finn. He found the guy on the couch, playing Xbox. "You'd better not be signed in as me, bro," he said as he sat down beside Hudson. "You'll bring down my stats."

Finn paused the game, which meant this had to be even more serious than an impromptu cross-country flight suggested, and turned to Puck. "Dude, you have to help me get Rachel back!"

"_That's_ what this is about?" Puck cried. "That's your big emergency? You want Rachel Berry back, and that couldn't wait for us to, I don't know, actually _plan _your trip out here?"

"I know!" Finn replied, throwing his hands into the air and almost dropping the controller in his hand. "I know, dude, and I'm sorry. I just… After talking to you last night and knowing she was here, I realized I really miss her and I need her back. I don't care anymore that long distance is really difficult, because no one else is her!"

Sighing, Puck muttered, "You really do belong in one of those chick-flicks, don't you, Hudson?"

"What?" he asked, all confused. Then, he started looking around and said, "What's with your place, dude? Have you got a girlfriend or something?"

"Or something," Puck replied, wanting to steer the conversation away from his love life, because that was a bomb Finn was not ready to handle at the moment. "Look. I don't know what to do about getting you back with Rachel. I mean, she seemed pretty desperate last night but-"

"Oh god!" Finn cried. "You didn't, did you?"

"Didn't what?"

"Sleep with Rachel?" he demanded, this dark look of rage mixed with puppy-dog love flashing over his face.

Shaking his head and holding up his hands so Finn wouldn't think of him as a threat, Puck insisted, "No! I didn't sleep with Rachel! What is wrong with you?"

"Oh, right," Finn nodded, taking a deep breath as he looked around, "the girlfriend."

Looking at his watch and realizing that Ben (who was definitely _not_ his girlfriend) was going to be home in about two hours, Puck said, "Listen, bro. I'm going to call in reinforcements and then I've got to tell you some stuff. Okay?"

"Oh, okay?" Finn agreed warily, settling back on the couch again. "Who are you gonna call?"

"The ghostbusters," Puck deadpanned. "Who do you think?" Then, he retreated into the kitchen for a drink, because God knew he needed one, and found Kurt's number in his phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Puck. Is Rachel with you?"

There was a long pause before Kurt replied, "No. No, I'm just walking to my car after class. Do you want her number or something?"

"No, dude," Puck insisted, wondering how to phrase this. "Look, are you busy right now?"

Another, shorter pause later, Kurt asked, "Is this a booty call?"

The question was so unexpected and straightforward that Puck couldn't help but laugh. "No, man." Of course he also couldn't help but add a quiet, "Not yet," that he wasn't sure Kurt even heard. Yeah, that was probably better if he didn't.

"So, what then?"

"Hummel, your brother is at my house. Like, he got on a plane this morning and now he's here saying I have to help him get Rachel back. I need your help, Kurt. You're her roommate and his brother. Come talk to him."

"God, not again," Kurt complained with a sigh. "Fine. I'll be there in a bit. Remind me of your address again? Rachel drove last night."

Puck did, saying, "Thanks, Kurt. I owe you one."

"You certainly do," he agreed. "But don't worry, Finn owes me about a thousand. See you soon."

"Yeah," Puck agreed, hanging up. That was pretty cool of Kurt, coming over right away. Puck wondered if the guy was still madly in love with Finn or something. He hadn't seemed to be after sophomore year, but then again, Puck hadn't really been paying attention to anyone but Quinn at that point. It felt like such a long time ago.

Well, it was time to go face the music with Finn. Again.

Puck grabbed two beers from the fridge, popped them open, and brought them into the living room. He gave one to Finn and kept the other, taking a few sips before setting it down and turning to face his friend. "Look, dude. There's some things I've got to tell you."

"Are you dying?" Finn asked, his eyes all wide with concern and fear.

"What?" Puck asked. "No, dude. I'm not dying. I," he sighed, "I don't work at the gym. That's just what I tell people."

Finn got suspicious then, doing that tilting thing with his eyebrows and frowning. "Where do you work?"

"I'm sort of a porn star," Puck said, with a little bit of a grin, because hey, it was a dream come true, almost. "But you can't tell my mom."

"Really?" Finn asked. "Naw, you're messing with me, dude. C'mon. I haven't slept more than a few hours and I can't really tell whether or not you're joking."

"I'm not," Puck insisted. "I'd show you the proof, but for one, I don't think you'd want to see my junk, and two, I don't think you'd like to see the people I'm with in them."

"Why?" Finn asked. "Are they fat chicks or something? That's really weird, dude."

Puck wanted to just let it be, but Finn could never really figure things out on his own and he'd get all freaked out if something was just sprung on him. So, he said, "No, they're all guys. I make gay porn for a living. But it pays well. See?" he said, motioning around the room. "I can live here, I can work on my music, and I get paid to do what I do best. It works. Just don't tell my mom."

Finn gaped for about a minute, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. Then, he took a few swallows of his beer and set it down, asking, "So, is this something you just do for the money. Or do you … like it?"

"Both," Puck answered truthfully. "And you know Ben?"

"Your roommate?" Finn guessed. "The guy who plays games with us sometimes?"

"Yeah. He's sorta… Look, he's not my boyfriend or anything. I still date girls, like, all the time. But we … sleep together sometimes. Just so you know." Puck felt like all those words came out at once, but it was difficult telling this guy, the guy he'd known almost his whole life, how much he'd changed since high school. It was easy telling new people. Hell, it was easy telling Kurt and Rachel. But Finn? Puck knew the guy didn't mind that Kurt was gay, so he shouldn't have a problem with Puck's … situation. But _shouldn't_ and _didn't_ were more often than not two different things in Puck's experience. "Just don't-"

"Tell your mom," Finn nodded. "Yeah, I got it." He took another drink and another big breath before saying, "Wow. Okay. Um...thanks for telling me?"

"Whatever," Puck sighed. "How's Texas?"

"Well," Finn shrugged, looking around the room again. "Football season is over, so that's good. We did okay this year."

"Yeah, I saw," Puck smiled. "We get, like, all the sports channels on demand, so Ben and I watched all your games. I think he's got a little man-crush on you, dude. So, watch your ass. But in that one game..." Puck went on, falling into the familiar pattern of talking sports with his best friend. It was nice and it killed the time until Hummel got there to talk some sense into Finn.

"So when are you gonna graduate and come out here to be my drummer?" Puck asked as the conversation wound down.

Finn shrugged. "I sorta wish I had been drafted out here, you know? All my best people are here and being all alone in Austin sucks ass. If I'd been out here this whole time, Rachel and I probably wouldn't have broken up."

"If only..." Puck agreed. When the hell would Kurt get here?

* * *

Finally the buzzer rang and Puck answered it, Kurt replying with a tense, "Sorry. Traffic blows."

Puck buzzed the guy in and opened the door a crack before heading back to Finn. "Your brother will know what to do, man. I'm sure of it."

Finn nodded before asking one more time, "Gay porn? Does Kurt know?"

"Yeah," Puck grinned. "He came across one of my films yesterday. That's why he and Rachel came over. They were convinced I only did it because I was a 'meth whore' or some shit."

"I'm reasonably certain," Kurt broke in to the conversation from the hallway, closing the door with a thud, "meth isn't involved." He came into view with that superior smirk on his lips and continued, "But I'm not so sure about the whore part of the theory just yet."

Puck smiled, but he still snarled, "Watch your mouth, Hummel. You're in this whore's house at the moment." Something flicked across Kurt's face that Puck found intriguing. Hope? Desire? Fear? Disgust?

"Pardon my manners," Kurt apologized, turning his attention to his brother and crying out, "It's so good to see you, Finn!" The two of them hugged briefly, Frankenteen still way taller, though Kurt had caught up by an inch or three since they all started in glee club. "I thought we said adieu until spring break."

"Yeah, I'm kind of doing something stupid here," Finn acknowledged. "I'm trying to get Rachel back. Oh, god. She isn't seeing anyone, is she?"

Kurt rolled his eyes and said, "Settle down, Cowboy. She's single. But I don't know if she would take you back. There was a lot of Finn cursing in our place that month."

"I am so screwed. I promised I would never break up with her and then I did and I feel so bad about it!" Finn collapsed back onto the couch, resting his head in his hands.

Puck rolled his eyes and swt in the easy chair while Kurt sat beside Finn, patting his back lightly and asking, "What happened? You broke up with Rachel a year ago, Finn. What changed and made you want her again?"

"We were just so ... far apart!" Finn insisted. "And I got anxious that she might be cheating on me and there was this girl and ..."

"Did the mystery girl dump you?" Kurt asked, his voice all harsh and no-nonsense. Puck decided he liked it that way. "Is that what brought this on?"

"No!" Finn insisted, but there was a guilty inflection in his wail.

"Seriously, dude," Puck spoke up. "What happened?"

"I found out she was just being nice to me because she thought I could introduce her to this one other football player. But that was six months ago and I know I don't deserve Rachel, but I still love her and she wouldn't do something like that to me and I really, really need to get laid."

"Dude, are you crying?"

"I'm so tired!"

Kurt looked up at Puck with a concerned expression and a sigh. "Can he take a nap in your room? He's too out of it to plan any sort of grand gesture at the moment."

"Sure," Puck agreed, getting Finn up on his feet and steering him into Puck's bedroom. Kurt didn't follow them, which surprised Puck, but maybe the guy was afraid to see this "whore's" private space. His what-you-call-it. Bouduoir.

Puck snorted to himself when he thought of that word because he'd only learned it the week before from the script of a film. It was probably one of those French words that Puck remembered Kurt was fond of. "Okay, here we go, big guy," Puck said, leaving Finn standing in the center of the room. "Bathroom, bed, TV," he pointed to all three in succession and then left, thinking if Hudson couldn't figure it out from there, he was too mentally defective to even think of getting a girl like Rachel back, even if she had major self-esteem issues.

"This is not how I had my day planned out," Kurt complained when Puck came back into the living room. "Stupid...Finn."

"Chill," Puck insisted, sitting down and watching Kurt pace back and forth. "You're making me dizzy, dude. Sit."

"Can I..." Kurt started, before looking up, shaking his head, and going back to pacing.

"Can you what?"

"Just..." Kurt sighed again, but he actually looked at Puck this time. "I'm gonna grab my books from my car, because I have this huge paper to write for Friday and as soon as Rip Van Winkle comes to, it's going to be non-stop drama. Would you buzz me back in?"

Puck felt his brow crunch up in confusion. Why would Kurt even ask him? Wouldn't he just demand to be let back in? Then, Puck's stomach rumbled and he said, "I have a better idea," and grabbed his keys.

* * *

Waiting for their take out to be ready, Puck and Kurt sat across the table from one another at the Japanese restaurant down the block from Puck's apartment building. Deciding he needed to talk to Kurt about something besides the jolly pale giant currently sleeping in his bed, Puck asked, "What classes did you have today?"

Kurt sighed and his head fell down, his hands between his forehead and the table. "Uggh!"

"That bad?" Puck asked with a smile, tilting his head to try to catch a tiny glimpse of what might be written on the other guy's face.

Head still down on the table and voice muffled, Kurt asked, "What do you care, Puckerman?"

"Dunno," Puck shrugged, looking around the restaurant at all the people. Some of them looked happy, others indifferent. But Kurt just looked, defeated, somehow.

Finally the guy pulled his head up, face flushed a little red among the freckles and eyes blazing blue as he asked, "Have you ever heard of the phrase big fish in a little pond?"

"Feeling small today, Kurt?" Puck laughed, but caught the dude's eyes to make sure he knew Puck was kidding.

"At least I don't feel so short out here," he sneered, looking around the room. "Compared to Lima, land of the giants. But I just ... haven't made as many friends as I thought I would and Nick took all the ones I did have when we broke up and everyone expects so much of me and Rachel is batshit crazy most of the time and now Finn and... I'm totally dumping all over you aren't I?" Kurt smiled and apologized, "Sorry, Puck."

"It's cool," he replied with an amused smile. "It's funny watching you come apart."

Kurt stared at him for just a moment before snapping coldly, "Why, thank you. I'm glad one of us is happy!"

"Don't be a bitch, dude," Puck shot back, catching Kurt's eyes again. "Look, I've only made one real friend since I moved here and sometimes I think the only reason he likes me is because I'm sleeping with him."

"Oh," Kurt replied.

"Yeah," Puck nodded. "Oh."

"Is that why you and Finn play online all the time?" Kurt asked, suddenly all insightful and shit.

"Yeah," Puck nodded. "Is that why you live with Rachel?"

"Yeah."

There was a long pause in which Puck contemplated what a loser he really was, and then he decided he was Noah Puckerman, sex god. He could do anything. So, he stuck out his hand at Kurt and asked, "Friends?"

Kurt contemplated the gesture for way too long, his lips pressed together in a tight line and his eyes fixed on Puck's outstretched hand, brows furrowed. Finally he nodded and slipped his hand into Puck's, shaking it twice before letting go.

Then the food was ready and they split the bill, each carrying one of the plastic bags loaded with good things to eat. "Oh," Puck remembered as they stopped by Kurt's car to get his school things, "Ben's getting home soon and you should know he totally wants to nail you."

"He does?" Kurt asked, completely nonchalant. "Interesting."

"Yeah, but I don't think you should do it."

"Why not?" Kurt asked, getting his school bag onto his shoulder and locking his car again.

"Because when he dumps you, he gets me in the break up," Puck pointed out. "And neither of us can afford to lose another friend, can we, dude?"

"How do you know he'd dump me?"

"That's his M.O.," Puck insisted. "Not that I'm any different, really. See someone a few times and then move on. You're not like that."

"How do you know what I'm like?" Kurt asked as Puck unlocked the front door to the building.

"Dude, I saw you pining over Finn for, like, a year and a half. I gave him shit about it all the time."

"I was sixteen," Kurt dismissed as they waited for the elevators. "I can do casual."

"Rachel said you were with your last boyfriend for a year," Puck pointed out. "And you had that one boyfriend all of Senior year. You're one of those dudes."

"What dudes?"

Puck sighed as they got on the elevator and he pressed the button to go up. "Dudes like Finn. Romantic dudes. Trust me, Ben is an awesome guy, but he's not for you."

"But he's so pretty," Kurt pouted and Puck was caught off guard completely, a surprised laugh escaping his lips as he led the way back to his apartment. He'd forgotten how much he liked the guy's sense of humor and had hidden it during high school because it wasn't cool to do anything but bully or ignore the weird, singing fag.

As soon as Puck opened the door and stepped inside, he heard Ben call from the back hallway, "Noah? Did you know there's a strange boy in your bed? Shouldn't he be naked?"

"Fuck you," Puck called back teasingly. "I brought food."

"Than I shall worship you as-" Ben stopped short when he saw Kurt helping Puck carry the food to the kitchen. "A god. Hey, Kurt."

"Ben," Puck's friend replied politely with a nod. "Sorry about the boy. He's mine."

Puck laughed again, but he didn't contradict Kurt.

"I met him after Rachel and I left last night and totally fucked his brains out all night and most of today. He came with for dinner, but I'm afraid we lost him. Tragic, really."

"You sexed him to death!" Puck crowed, joining in when Kurt started giggling uncontrollably.

"What's so funny?" Ben asked, an indulgent smile on his face.

Kurt finally fessed up after taking a bite of his salad. "That's my step-brother, Finn. He's ... going a little crazy at the moment."

"The Finn Hudson?" Ben asked Puck, like he was asking about Justin Timberlake or something. "Can I...?"

"Don't even think about it, babe. He needs friends right now," Puck insisted. "Not douchebags like you fawning over him."

"Fine," Ben pouted, grabbing a carton of food and a pair of chopsticks and sitting down at the table with them. Puck didn't miss the flash of a look that Kurt and Ben shared and he really wished his claim of dibs would have worked.

* * *

_I need reviews! Also, if you would be kind enough to leave a review for my older puckurt, "Texts and Insanity", I only need one more to reach 300, which would be a personal best. Thanks!_


	3. Favors

_A/N: Since last posting on this story, I've written a two-part Puckurt series: "We Have a Problem" and "A Problematic Prequel." It doesn't really matter what order you read them in, though "We Have…" is rated 'T' and might be easier to get into at first. I swear, you'll love the ending!_

_As I said on my other posting today, I've been ADD about what I've been writing lately – jumping back and forth between several Glee stories and crossovers and my Buffy series isn't very conducive to getting any of them done. I've had this chapter half-written for quite a while, so I decided to finish it and plot out what comes next. Hopefully having a plan will help speed things along._

_I hope you like it!_

_

* * *

_

**What the Hell**

Chapter 3 – Favors

After checking on Finn quickly and using Puck's bathroom (where he investigated around a bit, finding nothing incriminating and a decent selection of mid-priced products), Kurt settled in at the kitchen table to get his stupid essay done. This time with absolutely no mention of homoeroticism. It helped that this week's book had only a few characters, and most of them were battered women. Poor things.

At a familiar noise, Kurt looked up to see Ben and Puck sitting on the couch, the former involved in something on his laptop, but the latter with an acoustic guitar in his hands. Puck strummed almost absently, eyes staring off into the distance, fingers moving with practiced carelessness. He went through a few different versions of a chord progression and Kurt was pleased to hear he'd used chords besides the lonely four that dominated popular rock music. Then, Puck reached forward and wrote something down before going back to strumming.

Kurt found the entire process enchanting. Sure, he knew how to perform music and how to rearrange it, but he'd never come up with something of his own. Not really. Nothing more than a silly song here or there that he would sing to Nick, just to make him laugh.

God, he missed that.

Nick had actually understood most of his jokes, besides the ones about fashion. No one else did. Rachel would just give him a funny look that said he was an idiot and Finn missed all the finer subtleties, but Nick?

Damn it. Get over yourself, Kurt. If Nick wanted to live free and see other people, he could see other fucking people. Kurt could do that, too. Ben was a bad choice, according to Puck, and Puck was his friend now, he guessed. Which meant once the Finchel drama was over, Kurt should dust himself off and set about meeting new people to date.

Even if Ben was right there. Because Puck was right. Kurt was a romantic. He'd tried dating a guy casually twice in his life and both times it was awkward and uncomfortable. He didn't have one of those personalities people liked right off the bat, and he was entirely too obsessed with true love. Which was why, even though Kurt knew it was the bad idea to end all bad ideas, he was going to help Finn get Rachel back.

But how?

Rachel couldn't stand hearing Finn's name, even almost a year later. Whenever she caught him texting Finn, she threw a hissy-fit. Of course, afterward she would buy him dinner or a new accessory or take his turn washing the dishes - something appropriately sweet - to make up for it. She'd learned early on that Kurt could give the cold shoulder like nobody's business.

"Uh," a voice said, making Kurt look up from his work to see Finn standing there, "Hey."

"Hey," Kurt agreed, putting his things away as Finn sat down across the table from him.

Finn sighed and said, "I'm sorry you got roped into this, Kurt. I know how hard school's been kickin' your ass lately. You don't have to help."

Kurt gave his step-brother a long, assessing look. He had deep, dark circles under his reddened eyes, his hair was sticking up funny, and his clothes were very rumpled. But somehow, he still looked hopeful. God, this was going to be a disaster.

"No, I'll help," Kurt insisted, watching as Puck joined them, sitting down next to Kurt, which surprised him. It seemed like these days, Finn was Puck's best friend and vice versa, though things definitely had changed since before the Quinn incident.

A lot.

So why would Puck sit next to Kurt instead? It didn't make sense.

"So. Rachel?" Puck asked, looking around the table. "What's the plan?"

Kurt rolled his eyes and Finn said, "She always loved hearing me sing..."

"True," Kurt agreed. "But we have to ambush her somewhere she can't escape very easily. Since the director of Phantom told her she had too much baby fat, she's been running like a mad woman, so she can hoof it pretty quickly when she wants to."

"And, not your guys' place," Puck said. "She'd know where all the handy weapons were."

"Here?" Finn suggested, with one raised eyebrow.

Kurt nodded. "That might just work. How long can you be in town, Finn?"

Shrugging, Finn replied, "I dunno. I'm kinda already missing all my classes just today and tomorrow. I told all my professors I had a family emergency to deal with."

"And they bought that shit?" Puck scoffed, giving Kurt a look like he thought Finn was joking.

"Yeah," Finn insisted. "And, it could be, if Rach and I decide to get married at some point that she will be my family and then I wouldn't have been lying."

Oh, lord. Kurt shook his head, really hoping that, although she was his friend and although she and Finn were pretty good together, he wouldn't be related to that woman (by marriage) forever! Putting that little horror aside, Kurt asked, "So you can stay through the weekend?"

Finn nodded and Puck asked, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Hummel?"

"God, I hope you're thinking we go through with the dinner on Saturday and have Finn surprise her during, because I have no desire to hear about anything else going on in that twisted brain of yours, Puck," Kurt replied, rewarded for his joke with a slight twitch of the guy's lips.

"Yeah," Puck nodded, eyes with Kurt's for far longer than they needed to be. "That _is _what I was thinking."

"Saturday?" Finn broke in, and Kurt almost felt mad at his brother for ruining the moment. Not that he and Puck had just had a moment. It had been something less than a moment, but Kurt's palms were sweaty and clammy anyways.

"Ben!" Puck called into the next room. "Still up for cooking on Saturday if we add one more?"

The blonde looked up from his computer and laughed. "Sure, Noah. Why not? But you'll owe me!"

"Shit," Puck sighed with a little smile, telling the two others, "He always collects at the worst possible moments."

A big part of Kurt wanted to know more about how Puck and his friend exchanged favors, but a bigger part of him didn't want to know more than he had to when it came to the two of them. He knew from experience that it was better to live in blissful ignorance when it came to your friends' sex lives. Especially when one of your friends won't stop talking about how awesome your boyfriend was in bed when they used to be together. Seriously _not cool_, Fletcher!

* * *

It was late when their brainstorming session ended, so Puck offered to walk Kurt out to his car, despite Kurt's insistence that he could, "Take care of myself, thank you very much."

After the door closed and they were in the elevator, Puck said, "Actually I just wanted to talk to you about Hudson."

"Oh, really?" Kurt asked, raising one eyebrow as the elevator dipped and started its journey downward.

"Yeah," Puck nodded, looking a little unsure. "I've got a shoot tomorrow, all day, which means I can't keep an eye on Finn. Can you do it?"

"I have class," Kurt insisted with a frown, a blush creeping onto his cheeks because Puck had mentioned his job. Kurt hated how easily he blushed.

"Thing is," Puck pointed out as they got off the elevator, "you could take Finn to class with you. I can't exactly take him with me." Puck paused for a minute, chuckling. "Well, I _could_, but one Finn freak-out is enough for the whole week."

Kurt groaned at the mental image of Finn trying not to die at a gay porn studio and, rubbing his eyes to try to make the picture go away, Kurt nodded, "Alright. I'll babysit. But, I'll have to come pick him up in the morning and run interference so Rachel doesn't see him prematurely. She's in my vocal performance class, you know."

Puck raised his eyebrow at Kurt as they walked down the lamp-lit street. "Glee club all over again?"

Kurt smiled at the question, wondering if that was a hint of nostalgia in Puck's voice. But then he realized the guy was waiting for an answer, not for Kurt to keep staring at him like a psycho killer. So, Kurt scoffed, "Hell, no! Far less drama. No baby scandals," he hazarded pushing Puck's shoulder and got a smile for his efforts, "no stress over competitions, just grades. And I made Rachel promise not to be so aggressively opinionated."

"How is that even possible, man?" Puck asked, laughing. "She seemed pretty opinionated last night."

Kurt shrugged as they reached his car, opening the back door and throwing his bag on the seat. "She has to let it out somehow, or we end up with shredded curtains and the stereo playing depressing chick music over and over again at top volume."

Puck laughed again and said, "See, this is why I live with a dude: no crazy drama. You should try it, Hummel."

"Are you offering your services?" Kurt asked with a little smirk. "Well, I'm sorry, Noah, but I made Rachel a promise through the end of the summer. And, I doubt anyone but me and possibly Finn would agree to live with her."

Puck gave Kurt a long, assessing look before he smirked and said, "You totally love the drama, don't you, man? Like, you wanna sex up Drama and have babies with it who go around crying, 'Woe is me!' or some shit."

"Wha-!" Kurt tried to protest, but then he just laughed. "Fine, you got me, Puckerman. That's exactly why I live with Rachel. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bright and early," Puck insisted as he walked away. "I gotta be at the shoot by eight."

"In the morning?" Kurt cried, almost scandalized. Science and business students went to class early. Creative types like Kurt complained about any class scheduled before eleven. God, he was going to need a gallon of coffee just to get going tomorrow.

As he drove away from Puck's street, Kurt laughed at how much had happened in the past twenty four hours. But, underneath the laughter, he had this sinking feeling that he and Drama weren't on good terms. Ever since the big blow-up break-up with Nick, he and Drama hadn't quite been seeing eye-to-eye and it was like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

* * *

When Puck got back up to his apartment, Finn was waiting for him alone, leaning against the back of the living room couch. "Dude," he said, "your roommate is weird."

"Shit," Puck chuckled. "What did he do?"

"I think he was flirting with me," Finn whispered, "but I'm not really sure."

Shaking his head, Puck told Finn, "Oh, he was. He definitely was."

"Why do gay guys always…?"

"Hit on you?" Puck laughed, clapping his friend on the shoulder. "You kinda give off a vibe, dude. And you're friendly to everyone. People like that."

"I don't mean to vibe," Finn insisted, following Puck into the kitchen.

"I know," he replied, opening the fridge before deciding he didn't want anything and grabbing a glass for some water from the cupboard instead. "But shouldn't it draw in chicks, too?"

Finn grabbed Puck's glass of water and gulped it down while nodding. Ass! "It does, but I don't know… I've only ever slept with Rachel and I didn't want to get over her, even though you and all my other friends kept saying that's what I needed to do."

"You're kind of a pussy, dude," Puck scoffed, taking the glass back and filling it up before heading back towards his room. Finn followed him again. "Getting hung up on one chick?"

"And you're not?" Finn asked, doing that eyebrow-raising thing that Puck swore he taught the dude. "How long did you wait for Quinn to come back to you?"

"Awhile," Puck shrugged, hating the direction this conversation had taken. "That didn't mean I stopped sleeping with other people. And I dated that Penny chick for a few months before moving out here."

Puck collapsed down on his bed as Finn said, "Well, I'm not like you, man. I need to get Rachel back, or at least try _one more time_ so I know I did my best."

Whenever Finn started sounding like a greeting card, Puck asked, "Been talkin' to Mr. Schue?"

"Burt, actually," Finn replied. "And where should I stay, dude? Is there, like, a futon or something?"

"There's the couch," Puck told his friend, sitting back up and wondering why Finn had changed the conversation all of a sudden, "or you could stay in here with me so Ben doesn't bother you."

"But, dude," Finn complained, "you're, like, gay now or something."

Puck sighed, "First of all, I'm not fucking gay. I don't know what I am. And second of all, we've been having sleepovers since we were five, Hudson. I'm not gonna put the moves on you."

"Oh," Finn nodded, sitting down on the other side of the bed. "I _am_ too tall for the couch."

The guy still looked hesitant, but Puck was too tired to care, just muttering, "Cool," and stripping down to his boxers and his t-shirt before crawling under the covers. He had a big day tomorrow with the shoot and he'd need all the sleep he could get.

If Finn Hudson would ever shut up and settle down, that is. Puck had just turned off the bedside lamp and punched his pillow into submission when Finn asked, "Hey, Puck?"

"Yeah, dude?"

"If I hadn't shown up, would you have told me? About your life?" Finn asked, sounding a little hurt in that way he did, like you were the worst person ever for disappointing him. "I mean, this isn't just like you got a dog or something."

Puck decided to be truthful for once in his life as he replied, "No."

"Why not?"

"Because," he sighed, trying to tell himself he was pissed just because Finn was keeping him awake, "I didn't want this getting back to my mom. For her, it's bad enough that I'm not dating anyone Jewish, I'm not about to tell her what I do for a living."

"That's bullshit," Finn whispered. "I mean, you _know_ I can keep a secret. I _never_ told anyone about the jellybean incident from fourth grade, not even when I was super-pissed at you and wanted to punch your face off."

"And you'd better not fucking tell," Puck laughed, remembering how awesome it had been when their teacher ate out of her jellybean bowl after Puck had licked every single one when everyone else was outside for recess. It wasn't a big deal or embarrassing or anything, but it was the first time he'd told Finn something in confidence and to his credit, he had yet to tell anyone. "I guess… I just wanted you to remember me like I was?"

"A Juvie-convict obsessed with the head cheerleader?" Finn chuckled, laughing harder when Puck shoved his shoulder, almost hard enough to slide him off the bed, but not quite.

"As your bro," Puck insisted. "I mean, I love my job and everything, but I want to be known more for my music than for this, you know? I wanted you to be proud of me when that happened."

"And you don't think I would be anyway?" Finn asked, shifting a little, but still staring up at the ceiling. "You're, like, the awesomest dude I know. Besides Kurt. But he's my actual brother, so I have to say that."

With a laugh, Puck scoffed, "_Thanks_."

"So…" Finn said, squirming again like he was trying to get comfortable in the strange bed. "You and Ben? What's that all about?"

"I honestly don't know," Puck told his friend. "I mean, it's _easy_, I guess. Casual."

"Don't you get enough casual sex at work? I mean, why would you even need to…?"

This was turning into a long conversation that Puck was sure he didn't want to get into , but Finn wasn't shutting up anytime soon and Puck knew from many late nights shared that Finn wouldn't let it go and fall asleep until his curiosity was satisfied. "It's not real, you know," Puck insisted. "What I do at my job. It's like … do you remember that music video we did senior year? How it took five hours of filming little bits and pieces to make a three minute video? It's kinda like that."

After a long moment of silence when Puck thought maybe he was good to try and fall asleep now, Finn asked, "Is a fluffer a real thing?"

Puck barked in laughter at the unexpected question. He didn't even think Finn knew that word. He guessed college had taught the guy something after all. "Yeah, dude. It's real."

"So, like, on set? Do you have a girl or a boy for that job?"

"Why?" Puck asked, his voice teasing. "Do you want the job or something? I _knew _you were in the closet, Hudson! But, like I said, friends since we were _five_…"

"No!" Finn insisted, getting out of the bed. "No, dude. I was just… I thought if you had a girl that …"

"That I'd be more like the picture of me you had in that empty head of yours?" Puck guessed. Then, he lied and said, "Yeah, it's a chick. Happy now?"

Finn got back into the bed slowly, like he was still nervous that Puck was going to do or say something disturbing. There was definitely precedence for him to think that. "In or out, Finn. I've got to be up at the ass crack of dawn, so sleep anywhere you want, but stop talking to me, alright? I promise, I'll answer all your questions after I get home from work tomorrow night. Okay?"

"Yeah," Finn agreed, settling back down. "Yeah, okay, bro. Thanks."

God, this was turning into such a fucking disaster.

* * *

_Drama! Thanks for coming back to this story and please review, if you have the inclination. I really appreciate it._


	4. What a Way to Go

**What the Hell **

Chapter 4 - What a Way to Go

Kurt couldn't sleep. He had to be up and over at Puck's house in five hours, but he couldn't fall asleep. Again, it was that shoe waiting to drop feeling he got in the pit of his stomach. Rachel was snoring away on the other side of the wall, and Kurt wondered if that was good for her voice. He should probably tell her she snored, because as annoying as she was, she was Kurt's friend and she had an amazing voice that should probably be saved or Rachel would claim that humanity as a whole would suffer.

Knowing it wouldn't really help, but bored of sitting in bed, doing nothing, Kurt pulled out his laptop and opened it, squinting at the light from the screen. He checked his email and IM accounts, browsed through some fashion news, and tried not to check up on Nick via Facebook.

Then, Kurt realized he still had Puck's video bookmarked. Why had he done that? Would he really ever go back and watch it, knowing that was his friend? Okay, yes he would, not that he would ever admit it. Kurt liked it when people thought of him as a good, decent person, but here in his own room, no one would have to know, right?

Then, Kurt got curious. Puck had said he had fifty videos out and Kurt had only ever seen the one. It couldn't hurt to watch one more, right? It could even be educational. Yes, Kurt knew he was rationalizing, thank you very much, but that didn't stop him from searching the site for more videos containing "Noah Puckerman." In fact, it also listed them in chronological order, so Kurt found the first video posted, from a year and a half ago.

It was porn, so it was really predictable and had Kurt squirming, but there was no sign of Puck. Was this video tagged improperly?

Oh, wait. There he was, smirking as he walked into the scene, just as the camera captured his face. For the love of Dior, Kurt should not be watching this! It was just ... too much information, but something kept him watching as Puck had sex with these two other guys, definitely looking like he knew exactly what he was doing. At least everyone in the movie was being safe. That was important, because Puck's safety was important, if they were friends. Right?

"Hot under the collar" was too tame to describe Kurt's current state, so he closed the laptop and tried to think of anyone besides Puck as he relieved the pressure below his waist. It didn't work out so well.

* * *

Puck was showered and dressed and waiting for Ben to finish making breakfast by the time Kurt showed up. After he buzzed the guy in, Ben asked, "Got any plans for after work, Noah?"

"Not really," he replied, pouring a half-cup of coffee and setting it out for Kurt, just in case he really was the walking dead in the morning like Finn claimed. "Hang out with Finn. Why?"

"Didi told me about this dance club. It's all ages, so you could bring your friends if you wanted."

"You mean, I could bring _Kurt _if I wanted," Puck pointed out, accepting a plate of egg-white omelet from his roommate and grabbing a piece of toast. First rule of an all-day shoot: do not skip breakfast.

"If you wanted," Ben shrugged, but Puck could see the anticipatory smile even when Ben's back was turned. "I mean, it should be fun."

Then, Kurt stumbled into the apartment, a bag over his shoulder, a stylish scarf wrapped around his neck above the tight-fitting sweater and khakis. "Here," Puck said, getting up and handing Kurt the coffee. "Drink this, dude."

Kurt looked up at Puck as he took the mug and fucking _blushed _from his hairline down to where the scarf covered his neck. What was he thinking to blush like that? "Thanks," Kurt managed to breathe, so Puck nodded and went back to his breakfast.

"Food, Kurt?" Ben asked, pushing a carefully prepared plate at the guy. "I made it myself."

"Really?" Kurt asked as he looked over at Ben with a smile that Puck was _totally_ fine with. As long as he could ignore that jealous stab in his ribs. "Where's Finn?"

"In the shower," Puck replied, noticing the way Kurt's blush melted away slowly. Then, he saw the microwave clock behind Kurt and cried, "Shit. I've gotta go. See you punks later."

"Later," Ben replied with a smile and Puck really hoped that smile didn't mean the fucker was planning something sneaky. Damn it, he probably was. Fuck.

* * *

When Puck ran away, leaving Kurt alone in the kitchen with Ben, he felt at once relieved and nervous. Relieved because he didn't have to think about seeing Puck in all those videos and nervous because of that smile Ben gave him and the way he kind of liked it. It wouldn't be so bad, would it? Having a rebound fling with someone who wouldn't want anything serious? Granted, it would make being friends with Puck awkward. Not that they weren't already a little awkward…

"So," the blonde began, dishing out a plate and taking it to the table along with a mug of coffee. "You've got class today?"

Gripping his mug tightly, Kurt sat down across from Ben and gave him what he hoped was a friendly smile. "Yeah. Except my first class is vocal performance. With Rachel. I think I'll have to park Finn somewhere for a few hours."

"I'd offer to help," Ben said around a bite of eggs, which was a little charming in a completely disgusting way, "but I've got to work. My boss has a big meeting this morning and if she doesn't have me around to bitch at, she'll go all psycho on the board of directors."

"And we wouldn't want that," Kurt nodded, wondering how to keep the conversation going. What do you bring up with a guy when then only things you know about him are that he used to be in porn, he was a good cook, and he was fuck buddies with the high school friend you'd thought was as straight as possible?

Luckily, before either Ben or Kurt could start a conversation, Finn came out into the main room dressed, but with damp hair. "Ready to go?" he asked Kurt with an expression that the shorter guy knew meant he should agree with Finn.

Standing up from the table and nodding, he said, "Sure. We'll see you later, Ben."

"Yeah, later," Finn insisted, pulling Kurt out the door as he stepped into his shoes.

"What's the deal, Finn?" Kurt asked, jerking his arm free and patting his pocket to make sure his keys were still there. "Why were you in such a hurry to get out of there?"

"No reason," Finn replied, tying his shoes and leading Kurt toward the elevators. "Can't I just be excited to spend the day with my brother?"

"What happened? Why are you so eager to leave?"

Finn sighed and ushered Kurt onto the elevators before confessing, "Puck says I've been vibing at Ben and that's why the dude keeps hitting on me. Even though I'm obviously straight because I'm here to get my girlfriend back." He sighed again, shrugging at Kurt. "How was your night? Did you talk to Rachel?"

"No, actually," Kurt replied, leading the way from the elevators, through the lobby, and out onto the street where his car was parked. "She was asleep by the time I got back and I had to leave way too early to come get you. Breakfast?"

"Didn't you eat whatever Ben made?"

Kurt chuckled and said, "You got me out of there before I could have more than two bites. I think that means you can buy me breakfast, especially since we've got almost two hours to kill."

Finn smiled his charming, boy-next-door smile as he took shotgun in Kurt's car and agreed, "Sure, Kurt. It's the least I can do for all your help."

"You got that right," Kurt replied, pulling out onto the road and praying everything would go right this weekend.

* * *

Finn wasn't quite sure how long he'd been sitting in the bowels of the main campus library, with only Kurt's copy of the latest "Vogue" to keep him entertained. He'd been thinking ever since he got on the plane in Austin about what he could say to Rachel to get her back, but he kept coming up empty the more he thought about it.

This break up had been so much worse than any of the others, including the time Rachel cheated on him with Puck, because it was for a really good reason. They lived 1500 miles apart, and would keep living so far apart for at least two more years. What could he possibly say or do to make that distance okay? He wasn't smart enough to get into UCLA without a football scholarship and he wasn't quite good enough at football to dare ask to be transferred or to think he might be snapped up by the NFL. No, he was lucky to be getting an education at all, even if it was really hard and the only class he understood was Kinesiology, because his friend Tyler was in that class too and helped him study using football terms.

"Hey," a voice broke into his thoughts and Finn looked up to see a average-looking blonde guy standing at his shoulder. "Don't I know you?"

"I don't think so," Finn replied, hiding Kurt's copy of Vogue under his coat - because hey, that was embarrassing. "Maybe if you follow college football..."

"Oh, _hell_ no," the guy laughed and Finn started to get that same uneasy feeling that Ben gave him back in the pit of his stomach. "Football's not it. What's your major?"

"Oh, I don't go here," Finn insisted. "Yup. Just waitin' for my brother..."

"Oh, that's it!" the guy cried all of a sudden, shifting his books to one arm so he could stick a hand out at Finn. "I'm Nick and you're Kurt's brother, Finn, right? I've seen a bunch of pictures of you on Facebook and stuff!"

"Yeah!" Finn smiled, standing up and shaking Nick's hand. Then his face fell as he realized, "But, you guys just broke up, didn't you?"

Nick shrugged and brushed his hair back from his face, "About six weeks ago, yeah." The dude didn't even have the courtesy to look upset about it or anything, even though from what Finn could tell Kurt had been really upset about the whole thing. That right there put him on Finn's shit list, which was actually pretty short, considering. At the moment it just said, "David Karofsky, Sue Sylvester, Jesse St. James, Heather Carter (the girl who convinced him to break up with Rachel for no good reason) and A-Rod."

"Don't worry about it," Nick insisted. "It was for the best. And, hey? What brings you to LA, anyway?"

Finn wasnt very comfortable with how Nick was looking at him, so he replied, "A girl. The girl I love. Yep, really into Rachel, who's a girl."

Nick laughed and Finn noticed this guy's canines were way too sharp, like scary sharp. "Oh, dear. I thought you two broke up a while ago! It was all she could talk about and she kept begging me to bake her brownies and you, my friend, are glad I didn't, because my hazelnut-fudge brownies are not meant to be inhaled like that without going straight to the hips."

Okay, this dude was like _really_ gay, and not in an oh-by-the-way-I-sleep-with-dudes-now Puck sort of way. More like the bitch-_please_ Kurt way that tended to make Finn uncomfortable and itchy. He'd gotten a little more used to being around Kurt since their parents got married and Kurt made it very clear that he'd never ever go after his brother, even if they were only step-brothers and told him to get over himself. Which is what he had to do right now, wasn't it? "Yeah, dude. Thanks for not fattening up my girlfriend, or whatever."

"So you're back together now?" Nick asked with that gossip-mongering smile that Finn most closely associated with Quinn and Mercedes (and Heather, now that he thought about it).

"Almost," Finn assured the guy, not really wanting to talk about the plan that wasn't so much a plan as it was the stupidest idea he'd ever had and more likely than not bound to get him a restraining order rather than a girlfriend. Rachel was litigistical like that. "I – uh, how's life without Kurt?"

Nick gave him a pissed off sort of look, like Finn was being mean or something (what did he say?) and opened his mouth to respond when Kurt showed up, his voice icy as he said, "I knew you'd only find trouble if I left you alone for too long, Finn. Ready to go?"

"Yeah, sure," he replied, gathering up his things and pressing the copy of _Vogue_ back into Kurt's hands. "Let's get outta here."

Kurt led the way, walking really quickly until they were outside the library and halfway across campus. It was cool, though. Finn had really long legs, which made it easier to keep up. Eventually he saw Kurt was shaking, so he asked, "Are you okay?" expecting his stepbrother to burst into tears or something. The last time Finn had seen Kurt this outwardly emotional was when Burt was in the hospital and Kurt got up to sing.

"Yes," Kurt snarled through clenched teeth. Oh, he was pissed off. That was much better than sad. Finn was really good at dealing with Kurt when he was angry. "I can't _believe_ he had the nerve to talk to you!"

"Right," Finn nodded, knowing any other answer would just make Kurt mad at him, too. Or, maybe Kurt just needed to vent. "Why did you guys break up, anyway? I never heard the story."

"That's probably because I didn't want to tell it," Kurt sighed, some of his anger draining away. Finn gave his stepbrother a look that said his answer was not nearly good enough. Kurt tended to bottle these things up and not talk them out, which Finn totally got and at the same time thought was pretty crappy. "Fine. Nick cheated on me and then told me all about it while he was dumping me. Happy?"

"No," Finn replied, giving Kurt sort of a half-hug as they walked together. "I'm sorry, man. Want me to go back there and punch him for you?"

"As tempting as that offer is," Kurt replied, smiling up at him for the hug in that way Finn knew now was brotherly and not I-still-have-a-crush-on-you, "no, thank you. You'd just get in trouble and lose your football scholarship."

Finn let go of Kurt and asked, "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

Taking a deep breath, Finn told his stepbrother, "I'm not even sure I want the scholarship anymore. I'm, like, really bad at school and I have almost two years left, if I don't flunk out. Sometimes I just think about moving back home or moving out here or something."

"Don't you want a career?" Kurt asked, stopping both of them with a hand on Finn's lower arm. "I thought you were studying to be a teacher, to do something with your life and _not_ end up a Lima loser."

"Puck and I have been talking about forming a band forever. I'm a better drummer than a football player, no sweat," Finn insisted. "And I'm afraid if I become a teacher, what if I'm really bad at it and I mess a bunch of kids' lives up?"

"What are you planning to teach?" Kurt asked, and Finn realized that they'd never had this discussion before. Mostly when he talked about school, it was with his mom, or his friends at school, like Tyler. Never with Kurt or Puck or even Rachel, to be honest.

"I wanted to teach music, but apparently you have to know how to play piano to even get in the classes for that, so now I'm gonna be a Phys Ed teacher, like Tanaka."

"Why not take piano lessons?" Kurt suggested. "Just to get into the class? It's not that hard, since you already know music so well."

"There's like a _hundred_ keys, Kurt!"

The boy gave him an amused, no-nonsense look and asked, "And how many pieces are on that drum set you cobbled together in the basement? Twenty?"

"Twenty-two," Finn pouted. "And it doesn't matter, anyway. I would be a good gym teacher, right? I taught _you_ how to kick field goals."

The corner of Kurt's mouth twitched upward in a little smirk. "Though I resent the implication that it was difficult to teach me sports, I think we should discuss your ambivalence about staying in school in the first place."

Yeah, Finn _really_ didn't want to talk about that, mostly because he wasn't quite sure what 'ambivalence' meant. Maybe he could distract the guy by asking, "How was class?"

After a careful moment studying Finn's face and a nod, Kurt replied, "Oh, you know," leading him into a parking structure. "The usual. I'm just glad the school week is over."

Finn didn't know what to say about that, since all he could think about was how the hell in just over twenty-four hours, he was supposed to pull off the gesture he needed to get Rachel back. There was just so much that could go wrong and Finn knew he was only smart enough to come up with a fraction of the bad things that could actually happen.

At least he had a brother and a best friend who were willing to go to so much trouble for him. Maybe he could do something to help them? Kurt was obviously messed up over Nick and as much as Puck denied it, Finn knew the guy was looking for something more real than what he had going on with Ben or any of the other people he saw. Puck liked to play the badass who didn't care about anyone, but Finn saw how much effort Puck put into being with Quinn when Babygate was going on. Even if he didn't think he wanted it, Puck needed a real relationship. That much was obvious, even to Finn.

Huh. Kurt was single. Puck was single and was into dating dudes now. How awesome would it be if they got together? Really freaking awesome!

Well, that was something to think about later, possibly when Finn was licking his wounds over Rachel rejecting his romantic gesture and needed anything else to think about.

* * *

Usually when Puck went to work, it was just that - work. Go to make-up, go to hair, follow directions, make it look good. Easy.

Today was not so easy. He was doing a blowjob scene with this slim guy, Denny, who had dark hair and blue, blue eyes. Every time those eyes looked up at him, Puck found it so easy to imagine Kurt's eyes looking back at him, Kurt's hair in his hands ("Puckerman, get your hands out of the shot!"), Kurt's red lips wrapped around him, Kurt's almost-innocent eyebrows furrowed in pleasure, Kurt's smirk at understanding exactly how good he was making Puck feel.

"Shit," Puck hissed, pulling back and taking a deep breath. "Sorry, guys. I need a minute."

"What's going on, Puck?" the director asked with a sigh.

Denny spoke up next, grabbing Puck's hand and asking, "Did I hurt you or something, man? What's going on?"

"No," Puck shook his head with a little laugh. Biting the inside of his cheek to help control his body, Puck explained, "I just got distracted. I'll be ready to keep going in a minute."

"Since when d'you have such a short fuse?" the director laughed, making a face at his assistant. Pointing back at Puck, he told the woman, "This guy, usually he can go for hours. What's the matter, Puckerman? Not getting any at home?"

Well, being pissed off at the director certainly killed Puck's Kurt fantasy, real quick, so he said, "Nah, I'm gettin' it from your wife, Lou," and stepped back into place.

_Okay, new rule. Think about anything but Kurt while you're working. Anything _but _Kurt, damn it! _

Fuck, Puck was gonna have to get the dude in bed, just so he could forget about Kurt, wasn't he? Maybe he'd do it right this time, and keep him there for more than a night or a week or a month. To come home to those eyes and those lips and that god damn sense of humor every night? That would make his day job so easy they might never get the money shot out of him.

Sure it could be the death of his porn career, but what a way to go!

* * *

_So sorry for the long delay. My muse has been very distracted. Anyway, what did you think of this new chapter?_


	5. To Be a Friend

**Chapter 5 – To Be a Friend**

"Hey!" Rachel called when Kurt stopped home to grab a change of clothes before he brought Finn over to Puck's to finish hashing out the details of their plan. This sweater just wasn't working for him today. "Where did you run off to after class, Kurt? I thought we were going to do our homework together so we can spend more time at Puck's house tomorrow."

"Yeah, about that," Kurt said, turning away from his roommate and trying to come up with an excuse for why he was late and leaving again in a minute. "I've got a … date. Yeah, I've got a date tonight. So sorry. I'll have to work really hard on Sunday to get that done, so don't wait for me. We can't have me dragging you down, now can we?"

"Kurt!" Rachel squealed, jumping up and down behind him. "Who is the date with? Oh, I'm so happy for you!"

"Um," Kurt wanted to say it was with Puck, but they were trying to be friends, right? And Kurt knew if he even mentioned having slight romantic (lustful) feelings for the guy, Rachel would stop at nothing to set them up. Kurt suspected that being unable to date since her break up with Finn was making Rachel want to live vicariously through him.

Scrambling for an answer, Kurt finally blurted out, "Ben. Yep, going on a date with Ben."

"Puck's roommate, Ben?" Rachel asked, sounding surprised, worried and impressed all at once.

Kurt understood where she was coming from, because though Ben seemed nice and was really cute, they both knew he wasn't the kind of guy Kurt usually dated. Oh, well. For another twenty four hours at least, he was stuck in the lie. Not wanting to make Rachel suspicious, Kurt said, "Yeah. He called me yesterday and we're going out dancing."

Sounding tragically disappointed, Rachel sighed, "Oh, Kurt!"

"What?" Kurt replied, nodding as he decided the finishing touches on his outfit.

"You don't really get to know a person dancing. Why don't you two go out for a nice dinner? That way you'll get to talk and learn more about each other before you end up in bed with _Puck's roommate_."

"Rachel!" Kurt complained, actually offended. He'd gotten so good lately at just letting her comments roll off his back. It was good practice for the passive-aggressive jibes and other disappointments he was sure to face in his life as a performer. "There's nothing saying I'll wind up in bed with him!"

"And how did your relationship with Nick start again? I seem to remember there being dancing and illicit activities in your dorm room being involved."

"Rachel," Kurt sighed, taking her by the shoulders and pushing her out of his room, "that happened _once_. If I promise there will be no illicit activities, will you let it go? Besides, you're not my mother, or even my step-mother. How is this any of your business?"

"I'm your friend, Kurt," Rachel pouted, looking up at him through her lashes, as if that would work. "Even if I'm not yours, you're my best friend, and I don't want to see you get hurt. He doesn't seem like a good guy for you, Kurt. After what happened with Nick..."

"Sweetie," Kurt sighed, hugging Rachel for her apparently selfless concern. "It's just one date. And I'll tell you what..."

"What?"

"Tonight, why don't you work on making a batch of your 'I told you so' cookies? After I make a colossal fool of myself on this date we can eat them and give each other facials. How does that sound?"

A slow smile spread across Rachel's face until it was a full-on grin and she nodded. "I'll get started right away!" She headed for the kitchen, leaving Kurt to change his outfit and pray that he knew what he was doing.

* * *

Puck forgot about Ben's invitation to go to that all-ages club until he was driving home. Crap. He'd much rather take Finn out to a sports bar or something, but getting past the bouncers without a really good fake ID for Finn would be practically impossible. Plus, this was one of Didi's publicity schemes, too. She'd be thrilled if Puck was seen by some of the low-level paparazzi out on the town with Ben. Dancing with Ben. Making out with Ben.

While all were some of Puck's usual go-to pastimes, after the day he'd had at work, Puck wanted just one person. Kurt.

Yeah, he said he wanted to be Kurt's friend, but how could he be friends with Kurt when all he wanted to do was tap that ass a million ways from Sunday, and then make him waffles? Without Ben's help cooking, thank you very much.

Maybe if Puck was seen out on the town with Kurt, dancing with Kurt, making out with Kurt, Didi would be just as satisfied. After a year in the business, Puck understood that keeping his agent happy meant getting better parts and a bigger paycheck, so this option seemed like the best of both worlds.

Smiling at the thought, Puck found his phone and dialed Kurt's number, which was quickly becoming one of his favorites.

* * *

Finn thought he might melt waiting out in Kurt's car with a dark jacket draped over his head and the sun beating down on Kurt's roof, but he didn't want to let Rachel see him and ruin the surprise. So he waited. And waited. It started getting dark out and finally Kurt came back to the car. "Dude! Where have you been?"

"Sorry," Kurt replied with a grimace and Finn thought he might have blushed a little bit. "I was just going to change my sweater and then Puck called to say he wants to take you out to dinner and then a club, to 'loosen you up' before the big day tomorrow. But then he invited me to come along and the outfit I had on just would not work for a night out dancing and... What, Finn?"

Finn hadn't really noticed Kurt's clothes until he started talking about changing and now he saw that his brother was wearing really tight black pants and a v-neck t-shirt under a fitted vest, with a loose scarf around the neck. "Those aren't 'go out with your friends' clothes, bro. Those are like 'looking to get laid' clothes!"

Blushing, Kurt started the car and took off. "Also, I may have told Rachel I was going on a date with Ben. I had to look the part."

"But ..." Finn said, thinking about his plans to get Kurt and Puck together, "you _can't_ date Ben. He's like ... look, I really like the dude, but he's kinda sketchy. This morning, while Puck was in the shower, he actually asked me what might be the quickest way to get you into bed. Like you were a conquest or something. And like I would even know!"

One eyebrow screaming annoyance in Finn's direction, Kurt explained with a tight jaw, "As enlightening as that is, I'm not going on a damn date with Ben! It's just a cover. God, you and Rachel may have broken up a year ago, but you're still thinking like the freaking Wonder Twins."

Finn didn't know what that meant, because the Wonder Twins, as far as he could remember, were brother and sister, like twins. They didn't do things like dating and sleeping together like he and Rachel had been before the break-up, because that would be gross.

"Dude, is this about running into Nick earlier? My offer to punch him still stands," Finn insisted, pulling the jacket off his head now that they were out of sight and rolling down his window to help cool off.

Kurt pursed his lips in annoyance as he rolled the window back up and flipped on the air with a quiet, "Hair, Finn. My hair."

Finn noticed how Kurt didn't reply to his question about Nick. That must be it. Kurt was sad about his ex being such a douche and, just like Finn's friend Tyler, who went out and banged three random chicks in three nights after his girlfriend dumped him, Kurt was doing the same thing. Only, with guys. And Finn was totally okay with the guy part, just not with the bad-coping-strategy part. Really.

Kurt was _supposed_ to be getting with Puck, not hook up with some stranger at a dance club! Maybe this evening wouldn't be as relaxed for Finn as his friends were planning. Instead, he was going to have to cockblock his brother all night to keep Kurt's chances of ending up with Puck good, and what could be more stressful than that?

* * *

The club Ben brought Puck and his friends to, all crammed in Kurt's little car, had a long-ass line curling all around the building. If it hadn't been for the publicity, Puck would have suggested they go somewhere else a little quieter. Who knows how much this place would make Hudson freak out. He was used to Lima and then Austin, not the freakishness that was the LA club scene. Hell, Puck didn't even know if Kurt knew what he was getting into here, but he would have felt bad leaving the two stepbrothers alone in his apartment all night.

Especially since this way he had a much better chance of getting Kurt to see him as something other than a friend.

"Just pull up to the valet," Ben instructed Kurt from the passenger seat, giving those flirty little smiles and touches that Puck recognized so well. Yeah, okay. Puck was not losing this contest either. The thought of Ben getting Kurt at all, not just first, made Puck want to grind his teeth in frustration. And who the fuck didn't respect a call of dibs, anyway?

Then, for the cameras and the show, Ben left off paying attention to Kurt and met Puck as he got out of the car, throwing his arm around Puck's waist. "You have the most interesting friends, babe," Ben whispered in Puck's ear. "Do you see what he's wearing?"

"Yeah, dude," Puck smirked, putting one arm around Ben's shoulder and waving when someone called his name. "I saw. Don't for one fucking second think that was for you or some shit, because it's not."

"Kurt told you this?" Ben asked, nuzzling Puck's ear as the approached the bouncer and got all four of them waved through the rope.

"Yeah," Puck lied. "Dude said it was all for me."

As the doors to the club opened for them and Puck walked, arm-in-arm with Ben, into the entrance way, the dark beat of the music thudded through his chest. Ben leaned in and said loud enough that Puck could hear him but Kurt couldn't, standing right behind them with Finn, "We'll see about that." He flashed Puck a grin at the challenge and kissed him hard. Damn it. It wasn't like Puck normally would have minded, but Kurt was like, _right the fuck there_.

Before he knew what was going on, Ben had released Puck and turned to ask Kurt for a dance. Knowing he just had to let Ben do his thing and trust that Kurt wouldn't fall for it, Puck didn't protest. At this point, the possibility that Ben would be successful wasn't big enough to lose at least two of his three total friends over. When Finn didn't protest either, because he was staring at some chick who was dancing on the bar, Kurt shrugged and accepted the invitation.

"Dude?" Finn asked when he pulled his eyes back into their sockets. "Where did Kurt and Ben go?"

Wordlessly, Puck pointed out to the dance floor and then stalked toward the bar to get a fucking drink.

* * *

After dancing with Ben for just one song, Kurt knew he was in trouble. Ben had this way of saying just the right things and getting his touches to send goosebumps up and down Kurt's arms. "Is your vest designer?" he asked as he handed Kurt a drink, their fingers brushing, which Kurt pretended to sip. He did not want to be impaired around this boy who reminded him way too much of all of Nick's best qualities. "Because that cut makes you look absolutely divine."

"Thanks," Kurt nodded, trying to hold onto that uneasy feeling he'd had when he first met Ben and failing fantastically. "Yes, it is. Oliver Graham."

"I thought so," Ben replied, grinning as he downed a shot of tequila and took Kurt's hand. "C'mon, I love this one!"

After the second song, when Ben pressed a short kiss to Kurt's lips before heading off to get another drink, Kurt knew he had to do something drastic. And not because he was uncomfortable. The way Ben danced with him and touched him and the way his kiss lingered far too long after it ended had Kurt _entirely_ comfortable. He'd promised Rachel and Finn that nothing would happen, and for some very good reasons that he had to try and remember. Needing to ground himself, Kurt went looking for Finn, but found Puck first.

He was next to the bar, drink in hand, and smiling at and talking to a girl, but she moved away while Kurt was trying to decide whether or not to interrupt. That decided that. Quickly taking the girl's spot, Kurt told Puck, "I am very close to making a slew of unwise decisions. You have to help me."

"You sure about that?" Puck asked, leaning in so Kurt could hear him. God, he smelled good.

"You said you wanted to be my friend, right, Puck?" Kurt asked. "Well, this is a friendship defining moment."

Puck rolled his eyes, but asked, "What's the problem?"

Kurt held up his index finger and thumb less than an inch apart. "I'm this close to making out with Ben. I _know_ it's a bad idea, especially now that I've spent some time with him but..." Kurt gave a frustrated huff. "I don't know how to get him to back off without actually talking to him."

"So?" Puck asked, confusion in his screwed up eyebrows. "Talk to the dude."

"I'm fairly certain," Kurt sighed, scanning the crowd, "that if I end up within ten feet of the guy, I'm going to jump him. Maybe I should just leave..."

"Here he comes," Puck nodded over Kurt's shoulder, so he looked over, spying Ben's curly mop approaching. Crap. What was Kurt going to do? "I got a solution, Hummel," Puck said close to Kurt's ear. "I'm doing this as your friend, so just go with it."

"Go with what?" Kurt asked as he turned around, only to find Puck's arms around him and his lips attached to Kurt's like both their lives depended on it. Then there was tongue involved and as long as Puck's lips kept doing what they were doing, Kurt forgot to breathe. Oxygen was nothing compared to the feel and, oh god, the taste!

Wait...as friends. Puck was doing this to be a friend, to get Ben to look elsewhere for company. Before long it would be over and Kurt and Puck would go back to not kissing, an event that Kurt was sure would be life-threatening. Even though Puck's body was warm and solid next to Kurt's and even though every kiss and little brush of Puck's hand on his jaw and neck went straight to Kurt's groin, it was an illusion. Not real. Couldn't be.

Puck was just being a god damn friend.

Shit.

* * *

Never let it be said that Noah Puckerman ever passed up a good opportunity when he saw it. And letting his roommate unknowingly push Kurt right into his arms was the best opportunity he'd found in a long time. As soon as Puck's lips brushed his, Kurt turned from this shy, mostly polite person into a fighter. But Kurt didn't push Puck away - Kurt pulled him closer and latched onto him, at least at first.

If Puck wasn't such a badass, he would have whimpered as Kurt started and pulled away. Despite the kiss being a seized opportunity, it was also the most real-feeling kiss Puck had experienced in a long time. Most of his kisses these days were staged, and those that weren't were either from people who just wanted him for the night, or from Ben, who couldn't really mean it the way Puck wanted a kiss to mean something more.

Kurt kissed with everything he had, and then some, but then he broke the kiss, as if they were doing something wrong. Breathing harshly and looking down, Kurt asked, "Did he notice?"

Looking over Kurt's shoulder, Puck couldn't see Ben at all. "He must've," Puck replied, almost sighing with relief. Now that he'd marked his territory, Puck was sure that Ben would give up. Hell, he was probably already picking up someone else as a consolation prize. Wanting to get Kurt someplace quieter and definitely away from any comeback Hail Mary moves that Ben might still have up his sleeve, Puck asked, "Wanna find Finn and ditch?"

"Won't Ben get mad?" Kurt asked. "We can't just leave him here."

Rolling his eyes, Puck replied, "He knows how to find his way home, Kurt. He'll be fine. We split up at clubs like this almost every time."

With a small smile, Puck took Kurt's hand, hoping he would recognize the gesture as more than friendly. "Let's find Frankenteen and blow this joint."

"Okay."

Kurt nodded, almost sadly, so Puck leaned over and said, "If you really want to get Ben to leave you alone, you should stay over tonight. Let him think we fucked."

Puck would have had to be blind not to notice the way Kurt shivered and clenched his hand more tightly. He almost leaned over and asked Kurt if he wanted to make the show they were putting on a reality, but he didn't. On the one hand, Puck couldn't remember much of anything he wanted as fiercely as he wanted Kurt in his bed; but on the other, sex always messed things up. How many times had Puck's mother blamed his lack of friends on his supposed inability to keep it in his pants?

And she was right, like always.

Tugging on his hand, Kurt pointed to a corner of the club, where Finn was surrounded by a gaggle of gays and looking so uncomfortable, Puck couldn't help but laugh. Kurt smiled as well, his eyes twinkling back at Puck as he led the way toward Finn.

It hurt when Kurt pulled his hand away, but Puck didn't try to hold on too hard. He knew better than that. Kurt made his way through the crowd, chuckling and pushing until he was standing in front of Finn. "Alright, everyone," Kurt said, using his stage projection voice that Puck remembered from glee, "back away from the straight boy! He has a girlfriend!"

Finn tapped Kurt on the shoulder and complained into his ear, probably about how Rachel wasn't technically his girlfriend, which made Puck laugh again.

The crowd around them dispersed, though Kurt got not a few dirty looks, and Puck pushed his way forward. "Ready to get out of here, dude?"

"Yeah," Finn nodded gratefully. "I swear, all I did was get that one guy's scarf down from the light fixture!"

"Ah, the knight in shining armor," Kurt nodded, smiling at Puck again to bring him into the joke. "No wonder they all started fawning over you, Finn."

"You've got to teach me how to get out of that by myself," Finn said, pointing back toward the place where he'd been trapped, "I was supposed to be looking out for you, Kurt, and how was I supposed to do that with all those guys all over me? C'mon there's got to be a magic word or something."

Puck clapped Finn on the shoulder to distract him from Kurt's pissed off glare and laughed, "Yeah, there's a magic word. It's 'fuck off'. That one works like a charm."

"But it's so _mean_," Finn insisted, and Puck watched as Kurt sighed and then schooled his face back into a neutral expression. Usually Puck was pretty good at reading people, especially his friends, but this was one instance where he had no idea what Kurt was thinking. Had he liked their impromptu make-out session? Was it going to happen again? Or was he mad at Puck for pushing it in the first place?

Or was he just mad at Finn and his ignorance about gay guys, as usual?

* * *

When Kurt dropped Puck and Finn back at the former's apartment, Puck asked once Finn was out of earshot, "You sure you don't want to stay over?"

"And make Ben think we slept together?" Kurt sighed, wondering what the hell he had gotten himself into and how many "I told you so" cookies he would have to eat before he felt better about this. Puck wanted a friend, he _needed_ a friend, and all Kurt wanted to do was take him up on the offer to sleep over and maneuver his way into Puck's pants from there. "Tell him whatever you want, Puck. I'm gonna go sleep in my own bed."

"Okay," Puck nodded, waving at Finn who was dancing around on the stoop of the apartment building and gesturing for him to hurry up. "Yeah, that makes sense. I'll see you tomorrow for the big show?"

"Sure," Kurt nodded, trying not to show how desperately it hurt to let Puck get out of his car and leave.

Shit, Kurt was in trouble. He wanted Puck to be his friend, because he liked this more grown-up version of the boy much better than he had in high school, but how long before he slipped up and tried something on the guy? Why couldn't Puck be just as straight as he had supposedly been in high school? That would make it so much easier for Kurt to be his friend and only his friend. Damn it.

* * *

_Please review! And, as always, feel free to leave suggestions for what you would like to see. :)_


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